Make it about the idea, not the person

Collaboration isn’t about avoiding disagreement. It’s about knowing how to engage and not enrage.

The #1 rule when you need to disagree with someone: Make it about the idea or action, not about the person.

When people feel attacked for who they are, they can only defend. When people feel invited to consider what they think or have done from another perspective, they are more likely to engage.

How to engage not enrage:

1. Set the intention up front
”I want to build on your thinking or share another perspective on what happened, are you open to this.”

2. Acknowledge their contribution
”You've raised a really strong point about X or I can see what you’ve tried to achieve here.”

3. Pose your challenge as curiosity, not contradiction
”I wonder if we’ve considered how Y might impact this?”
”Can we explore an alternative angle that might strengthen this even more?”

The key principle:

Respectful challenge when collaborating is about sharpening the idea or improving the outcome, not proving who's right. It’s about creating better understanding, not creating division.