Raise the bar, not your voice

Raising your voice doesn’t show you care more, it shows you’ve lost control.

Yelling might feel good for a few seconds. But the damage can last far longer.

An entrepreneur I coached once told me, “I lost it at the team today. They weren’t getting the job done.” She said she felt better for “giving it” to them. Her priority wasn’t solving the problem, it was passing on her anxiety.

A month later, two team members were taking sick days and had stopped sharing ideas in meetings. Not normal behaviour.

When I asked when did she notice things had changed, she traced it back to a supplier collapse. She’d been stressed, scared, and started raising her voice in meetings. It was out of character for her. She realised in trying to get rid of her tension, she broke their trust. Her team behaved rationally by recoiling to restore their safety.

Her response: She owned the impact of her actions. Spoke to each team member and set a new standard of behaviour for herself and within the team. Psychological safety became a benchmark. And her team's performance improved.

Google's Project Aristotle proved psychological safety is a top driver of team performance.

Here's five ways to release tension without blowing off steam at your team:

1. Box Breathing
   Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4. Why it works: Slows your heart rate and signals the nervous system to switch from “fight or flight” to “rest and digest.”

2. Name the Emotion
   Say to yourself, “I’m feeling frustrated,” or “I’m anxious.” Why it works: Labeling emotions reduces their intensity by moving them from the limbic brain to the rational brain.

3. Physical Reset
   Stand up, stretch, walk for 2 minutes. Why it works: Physical movement breaks stress loops and releases muscle tension.

4. Perspective Flip
   Ask: “Will this matter in a week? A month? A year?” Why it works: Zooming out reduces perceived threat and restores perspective.

5. Micro-Pause Before Speaking
   When you feel ready to “let it out,” silently count to 3 first. Why it works: Creates space for a conscious choice instead of an automatic reaction.

Choose to be someone who raises the performance bar, not your voice.

For more strategies on how to create psychological safety within a team, check out my article: Psychological safety in teams - why we need it and how to build it.

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